Resisted

I have resisted the urge to write about this story for a long time. Actually, it's been months, however, I think it's incredibly important for me to talk about it.

Let me set the stage for this event. Its interim (January term) of my senior year of college. My friends and I decided to have a girl's night out. It was a night to just hang out and enjoy time with the ladies. We all had a plan to meet at Grand Rapid's most famous club (lol) which happens to be in a building called the BOB. This is a big building downtown that houses a handful of bars and restaurants, plus a club called Eve.
Now for all of my God-fearing, protective family and friends who are cringing assuming that this was a night of binge drinking and crazy partying...relax...it was not. I can assure you that I was 21 and sober.
Back to the story, my girls and I rolled up to the BOB only to find out that Eve was opening an hour late because of a private party. We decided that we would go chill at one of the bars while we waited. A handful of us found a table and sat down. I was standing at the end of our table talking to my friends while trying to figure out what drink to order. After a few minutes of standing there, minding my own business I began to hear incredibly crude and vulgar statements coming from the white guy at the bar behind me. Let's call him Guy A. At first, I decided to ignore his comments, but it got to the point where I just couldn't anymore. He was speaking super loud and was saying disgusting things about me so I turned around, looked him in the eye and said "shut up" in a very firm voice. His response was to scoff and shrug. I was pissed at this point. There's no reason to say sexually explicit things about anyone, let alone me. A couple of minutes passed before Guy A's friend came up to our table and arrogantly said "so ladies, what are we doing tonight?"
Bad choice on his part. I was mad and wasn't about to deal with a group of annoying guys. I'm also a very sassy individual which many of you know. So I turned to the friend and said "Um, nothing with you" to which Guy A scoffed, looked at me and said: "go back to Africa"

GO...BACK... TO...AFRICA...did he actually just tell me to "go back to Africa"?

That man, the man who made sexually explicit comments, about me, told me to "go back to Africa" 
I'm sorry friends, but if that doesn't bother you then you best be checking where your prejudices lie. There's something wrong with that.

I'm a lover not a fighter, but in that moment I had to resist every urge to punch him in the face. Honestly, I wanted to punch him. I have never been that angry. At the same time, I was utterly taken aback. I expected to be called a bitch or something like that, but I never saw a pointed racial comment coming.
I get a lot racial ignorance in my life. That's what I get for being racially ambiguous. Normally its a hand in the hair here or a "what are you?" there. But that statement was so blatantly racist it caught me completely off guard.
I whipped around, locked eyes with Guy A and asked "do you want to rephrase that?" He began making excuses and I was 110% done listening. I turned back around only to see all of my friends wide eyed with their jaws dropped. Not only had they never seen me react so aggressively, but they also couldn't believe what they had just heard. All I said was "he's not worth my time or attention." I walked away and went about my night.
As I danced the night away with my best friends, that comment lingered in the back of my mind. I couldn't shake it or the feeling it spurred in me. I was up for hours that night trying to justify his comment. I didn't want it to be a racial slur, I didn't want to think that he told me to "go back to Africa" because of the way I looked. At the end of the night, I couldn't. I could not justify him telling me to "go back to Africa."
As I fell asleep, I thought:
1. I would love to go back to Africa because I freaking loved it. I would live there in a heart beat.
2. That was single-handedly the most racist thing that has ever been said to me and yet I sat in my bed trying as hard as I could to JUSTIFY it
3. If that's the most racist thing that's been said to me then I'm sitting pretty. I have friends who experience SO much worse. Like light years beyond what I've ever experienced and that truly upsets me. I won't sit here and tell you that I have it rough because I don't by any means. But if Guy A thinks it's okay to say things like that to me then imagine what he would say to someone else?

This whole topic of "race" can seem so big and vague and distant. It's especially hard to understand if you're white. It's complicated I'll give you that. It's impersonal because you don't live it, experience it or witness it. This is my way of bringing the topic home. If someone who looks like me (pretty much the most racially ambiguous person on the planet) experiences racism, then imagine what a whole community of people experiences every day?

An Open Letter to Calvin College

Much to my dismay, it's about time for me to process and come to terms with my new label of "alumni", "new graduate" and "employee". This upcoming weekend I will be visiting Grand Rapids for the last time in what will be the foreseeable future. This means, the end of my college career and my life in GR are coming to a rapid and emotional close. So, I guess I can't avoid the sorrow any longer.

At Calvin College, the administration, professors and orientation staff drill the following mission statement into your mind: "Calvin College equips students to think deeply, to act justly and to live wholeheartedly as Christ's agents of renewal in the world." Much to the satisfaction of my professors and bosses at Calvin, I typed that from memory. It wasn't until senior year that I actually stopped to process what this mission statement means to me and how it has become evident in my life. This short and simple mission statement has become more than just the tagline of my Alma Mater, it will continue to serve me as I move into my workplace, my new community and my relationships. It's become a motto of my life, keeping life in perspective for me. Through my experiences, education and opportunities over the past four years, I have learned to think deeply, act justly and live wholeheartedly as an agent of renewal. Thank you Calvin College for creating and living out such a humbling yet encouraging mission. 

Thank you Calvin College for giving me the opportunities to become whatever and whoever I wanted. In high school, I wasn't what you would call "involved". I floated through high school only being involved in choir. I was encouraged by many people in the Calvin community to "put myself out there" and to "get out of your comfort zone". I was about as involved at Calvin as you possibly could be. Each year I tried something new and challenged myself to grow whether it was going to Ghana, West Africa for almost six months or joining Calvin College Orientation crew as an Orientation leader. It was because of Calvin College that I realized, grew and honed my leadership skills. These were skills that I didn't see in myself but people at Calvin saw them in me. 

Thank you Calvin College for giving me the space to be an adult. More often than not, Christian colleges and universities require specific things from their students such as mandatory chapel attendance, strict clothing guidelines and a testimony of faith. Calvin, thank you for creating your student body with people from any and every background. Thank you for not requiring all students to be from the same stuffy, smothering and stagnant religious background. I am grateful that I was able to choose to attend or not attend chapel, lectures and programs. Calvin College, you gave me room to make mistakes and suffer the consequences while also giving me the ability to thrive just like every adult has to. 

Thank you Calvin College for my five best friends. It sounds cliché but meeting my five best friends was such a God thing. All six of us just so happened to be on Second Eldersveld within a couple of rooms from each other? What are the odds? I don't have sisters and never really wanted any, but if I had to choose these girls would be it. Thank you each for all the belly aching laughs, midnight McDonald's runs, and endless pieces of advice and wisdom you've given me the past four years. We made it through two 24 hour long road trips, four semesters in a single house, two Christmas cards, a handful of breakups, an engagement and soon to be a wedding. Y'all are stuck with me. I love and cherish not only my Rosewood girls but all the other friends I made along the way. Or you're thinking that you're included in that group then you probably are. Without Calvin College, we would have never met and my life would be incredibly dull and 110% boring. 

There are countless aspects of Calvin that I could mention, but for the sake of your sanity I'll tell one last story. At the end of senior year, I was in the thick of papers, projects, meetings and preparing for finals. One of my bosses/directors at Calvin asked if I would participate in a panel for the parents of incoming Calvin students. This panel was made up of a professor, my boss Bob Crow and myself. Bob told me that he wanted me to share my stories while walking parents through a slideshow of Calvin statistics and whatnot. As I was preparing, it dawned on me just how many stories I have. I kid you not, I could have and would have spoken to those parents for multiple hours but I only had 8 minutes. I talked about my time in the dorms, my semester in Ghana and my experience with student leadership. It was a joy for me to speak into what life is like for a Calvin student. I wanted to end with a bang so I pondered, typed, deleted and typed again for nearly an hour. In the end, I think captured it pretty well "I have this unbridled love of this place. I have truly, in every sense of the word thrived here and leaving this place will be one of the hardest things I have to do." 

Sincerely, 
A Knight for Life, Class of 2017

Adoption: The good, the bad, the ugly

As many, if not all of you know, I’m adopted. There’s probably a whole series of questions running through your mind right now. To be honest, I’ve probably heard every possible question you could think of. I’ll answer some of the common questions:

1. Where were you adopted from? - I was born and raised in Indiana, so no, I’m not from an exotic country. 
2. Do you know your biological parents? - No, I don’t know my biological parents. My adoption is closed, therefore, no relationship exists between the child and the biological family. I have heard this question as “do you know your real parents?”...why yes, I do know my real parents. They raised me. My real parents are not the ones I share my flesh and blood with, but they are the ones that have raised, loved and cherished me. Shoutout to Bob and Jody 
3. Follow question: Do you want to know your biological parents? - No, to be honest, I don’t. There are plenty of adopted people who feel the need to know. I can say there have been and are times that I would love to put a name to a face and say hey, there’s the woman who gave birth to me. I know that if I chose to live while dwelling on the life that could have been I would miss everything that happens around me. I would be drowning in self-doubt, anxiety and depression. While I cherish the life that my biological parents chose to give me, they haven’t been a part of it so far and I don’t see room for them in the future. It took me several years to get to that point. I wanted to base my identity on the foundation of my parents but I had the wrong parents in mind. I thought that because I haven’t heard “wow, you have your mom’s nose” or “you’re a spitting image of your dad” I didn’t have a foundation for anything. For years, I dwelled on the fact that I didn’t know these people or specific things about myself. This isn’t the right mindset to have. Eventually, I came to my senses and chose to embrace those unknowns and incorporate them into my identity rather than making them my whole identity. Long story short, as of now, I would not try to contact or reach out to my biological family; however, if they were to contact me then I would gladly met them in the middle and established a relationship.
4. Are your siblings adopted too? - No, my brothers are biologically related to my parents. I’m the only adopted child. Woohoo! 

I was asked to participate in an activity for an orientation panel my junior year of college. I had to sum myself up in only five words. These words were to represent my identity and who I am as a person. my five were: 1. I’m a woman 2. I’m a family member 3. I’m adopted 4. I’m a humanitarian and 5. I’m bi-racial. Over the course of the activity I had to narrow the options down until I had one identity marker left. I crossed them off until I was left with “I’m adopted.” My adoption has made me who I am, and I generally enjoy what I have been, what I am and what I am becoming. I could talk your ear off when it comes to this. All of this to be an outspoken advocate for adoption! 

Please feel free to ask me questions in regards to this post or adoption in general!